Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
