There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
