Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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