I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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