Nicole vs. Life
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
