All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
