Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize