This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I will be naked everywhere
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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