im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
