Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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