my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
