what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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