Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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