I must be too annoying 4 u.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
