i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
