woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
