You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Sorry my hands just texted you
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
