Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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