Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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