he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
