update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
