the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
