its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
