Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Let's get the cat blown out
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
