the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
