this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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