I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize