dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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