College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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