I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
