I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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