p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
