Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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