Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
