it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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