I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
