ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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