sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
