worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
