The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
