my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
