At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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