So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
