well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
