can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
