Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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