I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize