If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
