hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
