the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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