but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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