Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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