How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
