She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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