tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
