hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
